Thursday, May 5, 2011
not poptarts...
peanut butter. I swear they need to make that stuff 0 calories. I probably just ate like 300 calories worth of it. fuck fuck fuck. I was doing pretty good til I decided to go eat dinner. I had only had 400 calories (light yogurt-100, Special K bar-90, wild berry smoothie-210). Then I ate dinner: chicken (160), mashed potatoes (80), green beans (20), and a peach parfait thing (120). That right there is 380 calories which brings my total before mini-binge to 780. Add peanut butter (300), two Hershey Kisses (46), and Nerds (~120) and now I'm above 1000..1246 total. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. I've been above 1000 almost every day of this month!! What the hell is wrong with me?! I must want to be fat. I weighed in at 106.4 this morning. I'll probably be back above 107 tomorrow. fucking fat ass.
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3 words from my listeners:
Hey beautiful! Guess what! They do make zero calories peanut butter, i never tried it but if you can break the addiction towards you can give it try.
http://www.waldenfarms.com/products/spread_peanut.html
Also, i'm sorry about the bingeing and the mess ups, just kick and scream and write and rant and whatever to get the feeling out and then put it behind you, tomorrow is better day and i know you're going to do great. You're already doing great, you'll where i wish i was today but i'm fat and 30lbs bigger. I hope tomorrow is better and just think, you ate all this today, you can't possibly eat tomorrow now! And if there is peanut butter left, throw that freaking diet wrecker in the trash when nobody is around. If anyone asks tell them you don't want happened to it, someone else must have ate it all.
Thanks for the comment on my last post! im not obese. even though i look it haha but my bmi is very close to over weight. she has pressured me about my weight since i was like 12!
*hugs*
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