Monday, May 9, 2011

Food food food.. Why do I eat you? Today was not horrible but it could have been better.
-none :)
-grilled honey mustard snack wrap (260)
-medium frozen strawberry lemonade (270!!!)
-bbq chicken (200)
-light yogurt (100)
-pasta salad (130)
-mashed potatoes (80)
-Diet V8 Splash (20)
Total: 1040 calories

Damn, no wonder I'm so fat. I weighed myself and was 108.6! It was like O.o holy shit fat ass!! I will not reach my goal of 105 by Wednesday. Fuck a duck. I swear my therapist must think I'm a fat fuck.
Today was my last day of this group. Next week I start the eating disorder group. When I told today's group leader that I was switching groups, she asked which one I was going to and I told her Monday morning. She was like "oh! the eating disorder group?". I could have died of embarrassment. I'm sure they were all laughing inside going "that girl doesn't have an eating disorder. she's too fat!". I can't say I'd blame them. I mean I am quite obviously fat with my thunder thighs and bloated stomach. Ugh, I'm disgusting. Oh, so I guess I should tell you how the group actually went. We had to write love letters to a person we are/were mad at. I wrote mine to myself. Then the group leader had some of us read them out loud. I could have died of embarrassment (for the second time). So I'm just glad that group's over. I did not like it.
School was good. I have a final on Wednesday in Criminology. I need to read the chapter. I also need to read the chapter for biology. I was doing that earlier today but I couldn't concentrate on what I was reading so I just gave up. fail. I did get some math accomplished which is good because that means I am (almost/hopefully) ready for the test tomorrow. I have to get a good grade on it. I'm at a 79.5% right now which means an A or B would boost it up to a B (preferably an A if possible!!). Super nervous for that test. Then I have my Intro to Admin. of Justice final on Friday and my remaining two finals on the 17th and 19th. 0.o It's crunch time. Thankfully my biology test isn't comprehensive. I am bad at that kind of test.
So yeah.
My buddy and I were talking about her coming down for the fourth of July.It's exciting!! =D She sent me a message on facebook telling me she was still talking to R and that she was even going to go to his house this weekend! I was like W-T-F???!! I do NOT like this. I've told her (and so have many other people) that R is not good for her and she's letting him back into her life. We were talking about ways to tell his kids that she wasn't going to see them again and now their dad is back in! I don't fucking understand!! Then she's letting another girl H walk all over her. I hate it. I hate H! I hate R! fuckfaces. (>.<)
Okay, enough pathetic talk. Still can't see blogs. Sorry guys. I'll read them as soon as I can. Love you!

-It was my last time going to this group.
-I looked cute (for the most part).
-I did some math homework.
-I didn't binge when I was home alone.
-It's almost bed time!!

3 words from my listeners:

GraceyJ said...

um excuse me but your not fat okay(:
1040calories isnt that bad hun. dont let it get you down!

americaneaglelove said...

You're NOT fat, don't let your perception become distorted! :) Congrats on not binging today! Stay strong, stay beautiful.

SilentNightmare said...


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