Wednesday, May 11, 2011

one down..

three to go. Finals that is. I got a 94.3% on my Criminology final giving me a 98.9% for the class. Go me!! =D Now if only I could do that good on my other finals.
Didn't wake up til 8:30 this morning. I have to be at school at 9. It take an average of 20-25 minutes to get there. I got there at 9:06 so I guess it wasn't too bad but I felt bad for being late.
Wrote my letter of understanding for session. I actually think I did pretty good on it.
Saw my therapist. It was more like a show and tell than an actual talking session. We went for a quick walk around the block. I asked her today if she could even tell that I've lost weight since I started seeing her. She said it was the first thing she noticed today. :) No. :( No. =/ I don't know how I feel about it. I just feel like I'm not losing enough weight because otherwise people would be telling me I'm too skinny or I've lost too much weight. Obviously I'm too fucking fat for that. must lose weight. have to lose weight. fat fat fat fat fat.
Did absolutely no studying for finals today. I've been cleaning up the house for my grandma.
Want to know something great? I can read blogs again!! I was so excited when I saw the list of blogs I follow. Made me very happy. I missed knowing how people were doing. I tried to comment on everyone's blog but I don't remember if I did or not. Just know that I read them...finally. :)
I'm joining the gym at my school this summer. I can use it for a little less than two months. It's a good thing. I'm going to be there Monday-Friday for Driver's Ed so I can just do my workout after that. Super excited. Weight/fat loss here I come!
I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of being tired. I need to wake up. I kind of feel like being bad, like cutting or taking some pills or something...not enough to do any damage though, just to get high. I've been having the "let's get high" urge a lot lately. I don't know why. I've never purposely made myself high (with the exception of making myself pass out). Maybe I'll do that. Give me a chance to black out for awhile. I'm never out for longer than 30-60 seconds. I just fall to the ground and twitch. lol. No really though, I twitch. (I videotaped myself a couple of times. One time I even said something but I couldn't understand what I said.) So yes, maybe play the pass out game. Maybe take some pills. Stay away from the pills Amber. You can't afford to have anything bad happen the last week of classes. Sorry, you all must think I'm crazy. Having urges to cut and kill myself and now make myself high. What a loony I am.
Well I'm going to go.

Positives:
-I got an A on my final.
-I got an A in my Criminology class. =D
-I get to go to the gym this summer.

4 words from my listeners:

Lissy said...

I really hope you didn't do anything naughty yesterday with pills or fainting?? Well done on your grades! And I missed you commenting on my blog :( I missed you full stop!!! X

Mich said...

Congrats on your A's!!

Just because people aren't telling you that you look thinner doesn't mean they don't notice. A lot of people I know are uncomfortable commenting on other people's weight. And close friends and family see you every day, so they wouldn't notice right away.

xoxo

Nikki said...

yah what mich said, people dont have to say to you your to skinny etc they could just be like my parents and talk behind my back. but thats is SO great about your A's, you should be very proud i never got anything like that ever in school and just plain ol high school. I know how u feel about doing the naughty thing, it gives u a sense of something, dont know what it is but i popped a bunch of pills yesterday too and i got high lol shhhh i "quit" stay strong love xoxoxoxoxox

f*ckedUpAppendix said...

you, my friend, are amazing.
I love your positiveness.

Have a great weekend, xxx

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