Friday, May 27, 2011

102.6

Like WTF?! I seriously kept the .4 pounds I gained yesterday? Freaking impossible. It's water weight. I'm retaining water. FTW (fuck the world!). So now I'm 2.6 pounds over 100. fucking fat as hell. My friends will all think I'm this big blob. They won't be able to tell I've lost weight. My therapist is going to laugh at me and say "you don't have an eating disorder. you can't even lose three pounds!". fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. But she'd be right.
I don't have an eating disorder.
I'm too fat.
Much much much too fat.
Must lose this weight.
Don't care about the hospital.
lose lose LOSE!
have to lose.
need to lose.
need to die.
No, no dying.
Need to stay alive and be punished.
Fat bitch.
You're the dumb bitch.
die die die die die die.
slit your wrists.
No, no cutting.
Seeing friends.
they'll laugh at you the minute they see you.
fat fuck.
fucking blob.
lazy ass.
pathetic.
i hope you choke on your food.
you deserve it cow.
I'm leaving in less than two hours.
shit.

8 words from my listeners:

Nikki said...

i hate to see you this way :(

you may not see it... but believe me, you are NOT fat. your friends wont think you are a blob... no one will, really...

just try to stay calm and have fun with your friends.

<3<3<3 im always here if you need anything

Gianni said...

102 isn't fat, you're doing fantastic! Just keep working toward your goal. Once you start getting lower in weight it gets harder to lose, so you need to be patient. :) Good luck, you're doing wonderfully!

Lissy said...

You know at your height that's really underweight? Well I know you "know" it but do you KNOW it? Is the question basically.

Please be careful because I don't want you to get physically ill. Stop losing weight at 100? 100 is good, a nice round number. Its good to stay there. XXX

Kari said...

No one will think you're fat. Impossible because you're tiny.

My low weight was right around here too (we're the same height) and this is when things started to get scary...just please please be careful.

I know you WANT to lose more, just be smart, I know you are.

Tiffany Tilly said...

I'm sorry things are really hard right now.

You're nowhere near fat and i know you might not believe that but i think you are amazing. 102 lbs is a great and i understand how you think everyone will laugh at you, i think that way with me but i weigh a lot more. IT sucks and i hope you calm down, things will get better soon when all the pain fades away.

Gabby said...

Amber you are an amazing person, I wish you could see that! I love ya girly, don't hurt yourself!!!
Xo Gabby

AlwaysStriving said...

You are anything but fat.

you're amazing.

love you. xx

scared blogger said...

You are so ar from fat :( Please dont think you are fat, Be careful


xxXXxx

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