Monday, May 16, 2011

Dear Eating Disorder,

I don't like it when you put me down. I resent food and eating because of you. I hate it when I judge others on body shape or what they eat. I'm fed up with having to look up and obsess over calories. I'm tired of being fat. I want to be normal.
I feel sad when I eat. I feel hurt because I constantly feel like I'm not enough. I feel awful because you tell me I'm a bad person. I feel disappointed because I always eat more than planned. I want to like myself.
I feel afraid of getting fat. I'm afraid of people are judging me and think I'm fat or eating too much. I feel scared because I'm not in control. I want to feel confident about myself.
I'm sorry that I judge others. I'm sorry that I hurt my family. I'm sorry for not wanting to change. Please forgive me for eating. I didn't mean to eat that much. I wish I was skinny.
I love you because you make me skinny. I love when the number on the scale goes down. Thank you for giving me control. I understand you want what's best for me. I forgive you for making my life hell. I want to please you.

(So this isn't really full of anger. It's more just statements. Oh well.)

6 words from my listeners:

SilentNightmare said...

*hugs* please take care of yourself hun, you deserve to be happy and free from your ED

GraceyJ said...

very well wrote. i agree with all of it.

Elle Marie said...

I feel like I wrote this letter (and probably so do most people around here..) <3 stay strong :)

Tiffany Tilly said...

I feel the same way, i love and hate what i'm going through. Hopefully one day you can be free from this pain.

jellyworms said...

I wrote something...and posted it...and it just posted random words? ahahah. ill rewrite it if i can remember now! :D

love hate relationships are the hardest!
but i really understand what you said about judging people, i do feel so bad afterwards.
but i guess its human nature? sadly.
because that means that they judge when they walk by too.
and thats terrifying..

anyway, hope youre ok <3

CAliChica said...

feel like some1 entered my bain n found the words 2 my thoughts , good luch chica xoxo -echo

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