Tuesday, May 17, 2011

day 2

Successful. Almost complete. No food. Only 120 liquid calories. I had some apple juice and a Crystal Lite drink mix. The apple juice tasted so good. Ran a 5k today with my little sister's running club. Burned around 236. Subtract that and my BMR calories and I'm negative 1361. Woot! Go me.
Tired. So tired.
Feeling (sexually) dirty. Want to crawl out of my skin. My lips are rubbed raw from the urge to wipe them clean. My grandpa has become very touchy feely. He was rubbing my thigh (up to my crotch). My grandma had to tell him to watch his hands. He said he wasn't trying to "get fresh with me". Sure as hell felt like he was. He's also been making me hug him multiple times a day and kiss him on the lips (hence the urge to wipe my lips). I feel so impure and unclean. I want to cut. Carve slut into my flesh. Brand myself. Obviously I'm putting myself out there. slut. whore. tease. die. impure. dirty. cut. you deserve this. I knew this would happen again. you're bringing this on yourself.
Need to starve. Fast forever. Punish. punish punish punish.
Took my biology final. I think I did well.
Bought my books for summer semester. $76. That was more than my biology book. Ridiculous.
Tired. Going to bed.
No positives. Too lazy. Too tired. No positives.

1 words from my listeners:

Tiffany Tilly said...

Sorry i'm reading this late but i don't think you're a slut, far from it, if anyone i think i'm a no good dirty slut! I hate when people are like that too me, all touchy, especially family, that's just gross and you need to stand your ground or at least get away from him for now because he's not helping you right now, he's hurting you emotionally and i hate that you're feeling that way and having to deal with that. I had to deal with that with my grandfather and one of my cousins. I don't get guys, they sometimes suck, especially these kind of guys. Maybe they think this is the way to show they care but they need to open up their freaking eyes to see that it's not okay. It's not your fault and a good freak out screaming fit helped them stop doing that to me but i don't know if it would be good to do that. I hope he stops so at least they'll be one less thing for you to worry about. I hope you had a good night sleep.

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