Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I was safe. I got through the urge okay. I was having urges in session though. I was so much as to plotting cutting when I got home but then I decided not to. Besides, the urge passed before I got home. So no cutting.
Therapy went okay I suppose. I'm not really sure if I feel any better. K (my therapist) agreed with my mom, saying that I need to set boundaries and mention how past trauma makes me uneasy being touched (if uneasy being touched = freaking the fuck out!). She wants me to set up a safety plan for when I tell my grandparents (mainly my grandpa) about the more restrictive touch rules. She's afraid I'll cut. I'm sure I least I'll have a very strong urge. K said she wasn't sure if what he was doing was inappropriate or just innocent. (I don't fucking see how rubbing my leg all the way up to my crotch is fucking innocent!!)  I just said okay. I wonder if I will set boundaries with my grandpa. I'm scared to hurt his feelings. His feelings matter, mine don't. K disagreed. She did say I was justified in feeling uncomfortable. I guess that's good..
Oh and a lot of you asked about the DBT rule of her not talking too me after I self-harmed. Her reasonings:
1.She didn't want to reinforce the behavior.
2.She didn't want to "raise the high". (In other words, she didn't want to make me more manic.)
Random but there was a cat outside of her office today. He/she/it was cute.

4 words from my listeners:

Shannice said...


jellyworms said...

therapy can be hard but it might help,
try her advice and if it does nothing you
can tell her to eff off:) best of luck,
i hope you feel better soon <3

Tiffany Tilly said...

Your feelings mean a lot to me and i love when you're happy! I think it would help a lot to set a few rules or at least let him know how you feel and then maybe he'll keep his hands to himself. I'm glad the urges to cut faded, that's great and i hope they don't come back for a while but i know you're strong enough to deal with them if they do and we'll be here for you. Plus i love kitties!!!!! They're so freaking fuzzy i think might die! I hope things get better and i know things are rough but your beauty is coming from this pain you're going through. <3 love you and big hugs, this will pass and it already seems to be getting a little better from what i've been reading. Stay strong hun, you can do this.

Nikki said...

your feelings do matter <3

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