Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Beauty of Love

I want you to see
The beauty that's inside
Not the shell that shows
The impurities I can't hide
My outer appearance
Puts me to shame
I want to hide
I'm so ashamed
My body seems to be covered
In fat and scars
It's hard not to judge yourself
For the monster you feel you are.
I wish I was pretty
I wish I was thin
I wish I could love myself
From the outside in
Instead I feel hate
For I feel I am weak
Weak for having urges
Weak for having to eat
I know I'm only human
But I don't feel like I am
I feel like a monster
Imperfect, a sin
Inside I'm ugly
My heart black ice
Tormented and cold
Broken from the fights
The fights against myself
That I always seem to lose
Give in or hold out
Doesn't matter what I choose
Starving for perfection
Starving for a cure
A cure I'll never find
Because I'm too fucked up I'm sure
I don't see any beauty
When I look inside myself
Nor on the outside
Due to distorted images of self
Will I ever love myself?
Is the question I must ask
I don't think I want to
And with that I have no chance.

2 words from my listeners:

Tiffany Tilly said...

I'm sure you'll find something to like about yourself. I know it's hard to see, i can't see mine myself and i really hate that i can't. Life's hard but something good is coming soon, it has to be, you deserve and there's always beauty at the end of all pain. I know how you feel, it's difficult to go through, you don't want but you don't want to give it up, you want to love yourself but you don't know what to love, you want to fix yourself but it's just so hard and the longer you stay like this the more ingrained it becomes. Just keep fighting and you'll get some peace and happiness some day. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think you're beautiful!

Gianni said...

You love yourself. You just haven't look deep enough inside yet to find it.

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