help?

I cried today. I mean I literally curled up into a ball and cried, the overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and suicidalness taking over. I was hurting emotionally. I wanted to numb the pain. I wanted to end the pain. Instead, I reached out. I called my therapist. Even though she didn't answer, I got through it okay. I still feel the pain but it's not as extreme. I still wish I could numb it. I wish I could take it all away but I don't think I'm going to do anything negative. It's hard because right now I feel so out of control. I want to talk to someone but I have no one to talk to. My best friend is in the hospital. My therapist isn't answering. My mom is on a Girl Scout camping trip. My grandparents don't understand. Great, I'm crying again. I feel so alone. I want someone to comfort me and tell me it's all going to be okay.. I want someone to talk to who can actually understand. I wish I had a person in real life who I could talk to. All the people I could go to are unavailable. Makes me wish I had more friends. What would I say to them though? "Right now I feel like slitting my wrists and taking some pills." Yeah, somehow I don't feel as if that would be the most appropriate thing to say..to anyone for that matter. I really wish my therapist would call me back. The urges are coming back. Maybe typing this out isn't helping. I just feel really hopeless right now. I'm on self-destruct. I can't do this. I'm sorry.