Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'm up

but not in a good way. I gained weight yesterday, 1.6 pounds. I now weigh 109.4. What a fat, disgusting failure I am. I just wish I could tear my body apart. I was planning on fasting today but that plan was ruined. I went over to my sister's house (where my mom and dad live) so my grandpa could work on my mom's care. My little sister had made my favorite pasta salad. I didn't want it but at the same time I did. She dished me a plate and I ate it. I felt horrible. Then I figured, "you already fucked up your fast so you might as well keep eating." I proceeded to eat one package of Poptarts (400) and another helping of pasta salad. I have decided that I will eat nothing more tonight. Although I must say, I am very tempted to eat some peanut butter fudge which I also binged on last night after my post. So grrrrrrr!!!! >.< I painted my nails when I was at my sister's house. It was mood changing nail polish. When I put it on, it started off dark, then it dried into a bright blue. Now as I am typing this, the color is practically black. I guess that means I'm depressed. Oh the joy. I finally caught up on everyone's blogs. Sorry for not doing so last night. I was just so tired after my little sister's talent show.
OH WAIT! I have to tell you about it!
Let me tell you, it was the most EPIC....FAIL EVER! It was totally unorganized. The emcees didn't know what they were saying. The little on-going skit was horrible. The mics didn't work half the time. Half (more than half actually) of the acts SUCKED. It was like seriously? What the fuck am I watching? My sister's act did pretty good though. =) I was soooo glad to be out of there. True story. I practically fell asleep on the way back home. That's why I didn't get back on. So yeah. Guess that's it. Don't know if I'll post again tonight. We'll see!

6 words from my listeners:

scared blogger said...

Ur not fat, u did wat u did at ur sster's house and Ill bet theyre all hapy u had sumthing, and its nt like it was a lot of rubbish,its healthy - pasta is good for u,

Stay strong

AS said...

Hugs. I know exactly how you feel. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope that you feel much better by then. Today wasn't so great for me, either, so I understand. <3

wintergirl said...

*hugs* hope you're okay lovely. It might have made you feel bad to eat at your sister's, but it probably made your family glad to see you eat. I know that's not a lot of consolation, but at least you can try again tomorrow, right?
Stay beautiful. :)

SilentNightmare said...

*hugs* try not to beat yourself up hun, its much needed nutrients for your body. Make sure to take care of yourself hun

NightFlower said...

Awh. I'm sorry you feel bad. You're not a disgusting failure and I wish you could see that. And at least you didn't make your little sister feel horrible by refusing it, right?
I hope tomorrow goes a little better for you xxx

Shannice said...

girl , you are none of things.
your beautiful.
no , really you are.

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