Monday, January 10, 2011

W-T-F

No, that does not stand for Wednesday-Thursday-Friday just in case that was what you were thinking. No, jk. I know that probably wasn't it. Anyways, I am feeling kinda manic right now. It's a weird feeling. I feel kinda down and mad because I'm gaining back all the weight I just lost, but at the same time, I feel kinda hyper or something. It's hard to describe. So yeah. I guess really there isn't much to say besides the fact that I am going to gain more weight tomorrow. I want to fast tomorrow but I doubt I can do it. fml. I binged yesterday. I binged today. I am just so fucking gross. I'm losing sight of my bones. I want them back! FUCK FOOD!! I don't need it. I don't care if it nourishes me. I don't care if I need it to survive. Why don't I care? Because I don't want to survive. I don't want to feel fat because all I can do is shove bite after bite of food down my throat. I don't want to feel so full my stomach hurts. I want to be empty. I want to purge. I want to be skinny and not FAT! fuck fuck FUCK!
Sorry, excuse my language. Enough of my shit crap. Good night.

2 words from my listeners:

Erin said...

I'm sorry love. I want you to be happy. I'll send you some qi. Sounds like you could use some positive energy.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry.
I hope things start getting better for you soon.
Hugs.
Take Care.
x

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