Okay..

I haven't posted in a few days. On Monday, things went totally wrong. My appointment with my psychiatrist was horrible. I started screaming at him, walked out while saying I was done with this, and went into the bathroom and punched the wall/mirror while screaming. Yeah, so that obviously did not go well. On the way home from my appointment, my dad was trying to talk to me in the car and I was still angry so that didn't go well either. I got home and took a two hour nap. Things were okay for awhile until my mom got home. I was trying to tell her about my appointment, but I started screaming again. Then my dad and older sister joined in. I was freaking out. I was completely manic. Then finally I ran out of the house (it was in the 20's that night) with no coat or shoes. I walked down to a busy street and laid down in the middle of the road. I was almost hit but the guy swerved out of the way just in time. I felt the force of the car on my hair. He slammed on his brakes and hopped out of the car. Some other people stopped too. They were all asking if I was okay. I just stood up and started walking away crying. The guy followed me. He talked to me and asked me if he could take me home. I didn't want to go home but I figured I should because I fucked him up enough. I mean that guy is going to be scarred for life. He took me home and talked to mom and dad. The cops came. (I guess a few people called the police.) I told them I wanted to go to the hospital. My dad told the first officer on the scene that he might need back-up. I was like no, I want to go. So the back-up arrived and they talked to me some more. Then they agreed on where they were taking me. The lady officer said she needed to pat me down to make sure I had no weapons or anything on me. I started freaking out and crying. It just brought up some bad memories. Then she had to handcuff me. I wish I wouldn't have had to been handcuffed but I wasn't going to fight. I wanted the admission to be voluntary. So we got to the ER around 8 pm. My parents met up with us there. It took FOREVER to get onto the psychiatric unit. I didn't get on the unit until 2:30 am. SJFKSKF I was super tired. Suprisingly they let me keep all my clothes even though they had strings on them. They did take my shoes though. I changed into the gowns and went to sleep. I didn't sleep well though. They woke us up around 7. I was tired and had no clue where I was going. I figured it out and went to get my vitals taken. After that, I just kinda laid back down for a little bit until it was time for breakfast. I didn't eat. I was going to drink some juice but was too scared. I took a much needed shower. It was freezing cold and people kept barging in on me. It was like jsfalkf. So I went about my first day in an adult psychiatirc hospital. I ate 5-6 bites of green beans for lunch and a salad with fat free dressing (half serving). Even with just that I felt fat.  I met with my doctor for my visit and that didn't go well. I almost freaked out after I talked to him but I kept it together. I figured he wanted me to act out and I wasn't going to give him what he wanted. I worked on a puzzle to calm down. A new girl (well technically lady) came. We started to hang out. We played Scrabble. (I won.) We also talked about ourselves. She became my roommate for a couple of hours but then she got moved out so she could be on an inclined bed. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like shit. I mean total shit. I went to the bathroom and ended up throwing up while on the toilet (TMI?). Thankfully there was a trash bag in there. Then I went to sit in the "living room" waiting to get my vitals taken. Right after my blood pressure was taken, I could feel myself getting sick again.. I just barely got the cuff off and into the bathroom in time. Then right before breakfast, I threw up AGAIN. It was all bile. It was super gross. I haven't thrown up in ages (and no, this was not self-induced.). I agreed to eat some breakfast to hopefully settle my stomach. My stomach was still queasy after that. I went to a group and then fell asleep during goals group (accidently). After my little nap, I felt better. I ate some lunch (chicken tenders and tater tots with bbq sauce). I felt super fat. I went about my day doing the puzzle and participating in another group. I saw the doctor again and was told I was being discharged. Woot! My roomie left around 3 or 4 pm. I was all alone again. She was the only one I ever talked to there. I ate 3 slices of peaches and 1/4 of my salad for dinner. I wasn't even hungry (must have been from lunch). My parents got there around 6:30 to pick me up. I was like heck yes! It was so good to get out of there. It was seriously so boring. I mean I know psych wards aren't meant to be fun but that was just pathetic. You could do whatever you wanted really. It was all okay though. I was out and a free woman once again. I went back to my sister's house to pick up my stuff and came back to my grandparents. That's where I am now. I was kinda happy to be back because they have a scale. I weighed myself this morning and guess what I weighed. 106.8!!!!! I was super psyched. It is usually super hard to get below 110, but I did it! Next hurdle will be 100. I hope when my therapist sees me she will think I have lost weight. I've lost 7 pounds since I last saw her a week ago. =D I'm hoping I'll be down to 102 when I see here on Tuesday but I probably won't be. I just have to think positive. =) So that is my long story. I'm doing much better now. Hope you all are good.