Monday, January 24, 2011


I had an all-day motherfucking binge! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I ate at least 4000 calories. I don't even want to know how much I gained. I'm getting fat again. I thought I was fat last week when I went to see my therapist. Now I'm really going to prove it. FUCK! What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I giving up? Obviously I want to be fat forever. I want to be disgusting and ugly and fat. I'll always be a failure. I'll never be happy. I fucking hate myself. I'm so done with living like this. I just want to kill myself. Thinking that kinda scares me. I'm not scared because I'm planning on killing myself. I'm scared because the people who find me will see how fat I am. They won't be able to carry me out of the house. I'm such a pig. I ate junk food all day. I had so much food. The worst part is I wasn't even hungry. I just wanted to eat and eat and eat. Plus to make my day even worse, I'm on my mother fucking period! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!! >.< Today is not my day. I'm starving myself for forever. Night everyone.

5 words from my listeners:

Kari said...

As you know, I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry love, but just like you told me, you're not alone and you can start fresh.

You can do it!

Nikki said...

oh hun :(
i know what thats like. but your period could be a reason you ate when you werent hungry. you'll have a better day tomorrow :) it happened, its over... just think of it as a bad day and nothing more.
every morning you wake up with a new beginning <3

SilentNightmare said...

Please take care of yourself hun and chances are that you were hungry, and being on your period, i always find that i eat way more than i want to, its the hormones... i also hope tomorrow is a better day and don't be so hard on yourself and you're definitely not fat

NightFlower said...

I'm sorry :[ We're all here for you. Like SilentNightmare said, don't be so hard on yourself :[ You're a lovely person and you deserve to feel better than this xxx

Becky said...

Yesterday was exactly the same for me. I ate way too fucking much and wanted to die :'(
Hopefully today was better for you, love. And if not, please give tomorrow a chance. You deserve to be happy <3

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