I'm sorry to everyone. I'm sorry I'm depressed. I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry for letting everyone down. I really appreciate your comments. They make me feel good, but then I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I realize more people care about me, more people who are going to be hurt when I try again. I am so so so sorry. Maybe I should just disappear, stop blogging and stop going on PT. I have too many people caring about me, too many people wanting me to live. I feel so guilty knowing that I'm going to mess up so many more people's lives by my actions. I don't mean to. I'm just so sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me.
I think for now, I will continue to post because this is my only outlet of my feelings. I can't talk to my therapist or my family about this. They all think I'm fine. If only they knew the truth. No, I don't want them to know the truth because then they would stop me. I don't want them to stop me. Sorry, I'm doing it again. I guess I will post later to tell you my weigh in. I'm sure I'll have gained but whatever. I'm honestly so numb right now I don't even care.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
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5 words from my listeners:
1) You don't need to be sorry. You can't help how you feel :(
2) Please don't stop blogging and going on PT! We would miss you lots. And as you said this is your only outlet of feelings, and you need one of some kind. So please don't leave unless you think it would make life better for you!
3) Please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. :(
4) I'm glad that you'll continue to post for now. :) But maybe you could just consider telling your therapist or family about this? I know it might seem hard to tell them how you feel but I'm sure they don't want to find out too late, in some way that involves something awful happening to you. I know it sounds grim, I'm sorry...but it's hard to cope on your own.
5) If you have gained, it doesn't matter. I know it's horrible to gain but weight can be lost.
6) Try writing a song :) It's a great outlet for feelings. Or, you could try my second favourite, wearing super-dark eye make up and black clothes and turning on metal music up top volume on your CD player while literally dancing around the room and taking weird twisted videos. It sounds weird but it's actually kind of nice. Or you could try doing something nice for yourself. De-stressing-day! You could drink some herbal tea (they are low in calories!) and relax on the sofa in front of the TV and watch some movies, or take a hot bath, do face masks and just relax. Life is just too much sometimes and we just need to take a break or we will explode and i somehow don't think our family will enjoy cleaning up bits of splattered brain from all over the floor... ;]
7) I'm sorry about the super-duper-long-comment. I just wish you could either tell someone or do something to feel a little better, even if just a tiny bit.
be careful xx
I just realized that my comment is very possibly longer than your post! Whoops.
I hope you feel better soon xx
Don't be sorry for being in a bad mood *Hug* We'll always be here for you =)
Don´t feel sorry for being down sweetie, I´m strugeling with the same thing as you right now...
I hope you feel better soon
xx
you cant stop blogging ! i like reading your blog (: stay strong honey! x
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