inspiration?

Today feels different. I don't know what hit me. It's just like BAM! These feelings of hope and wanting to live came over me. I don't know what happened. I think it's because I made the decision that I was going to live out this semester. I decided I was going to fight, if only for two more months. Today feels good and I like it. I told my therapist I had good news for her on Monday. Want to know the good news? I'm going to give my word to take suicide off the table for two months. Suicide is off the table until I'm out of school for the summer. What happens after that, I don't know but for now, I am willing to live. I am also going to inform her that I will go to group. That is huge for me. I figure if I'm going to live for two months, I might as well try to get something out of them. I will be giving therapy a renewed chance. It's going to be scary but I'm going to live, not just survive. I'm going to "fight to live instead of fight to die". Here's a poem I wrote earlier today. I think you'll like it.

Taking My Life
This fear consumes me
But it's not your average fear
It's not death I'm scared of
It's continuing to live here
(here on Earth that is)
Living scares me greatly
I don't like how it makes me feel
Half the time I'm in delusions
Convinced this life isn't real
So scared of the pain
So scared of the hurt
Not able to handle these feelings
Want to feel better but nothing works
I can't stand the uncertainty
Of what is yet to come
I only know one thing
Living, I'm coming undone
I know what's right
I know what's wrong
But it's impossible to live
I'm just not that strong
I'm just so scared
I'm not sure what to choose
Live or attempt to die?
Feels like either way I lose
Just want to feel better
Maybe then I'll want to live
I'm just hesitant
What if life has nothing to give?
I'm taking a leap of faith
I'm not taking my life tonight
I'll give life one more chance
I'm up for one more fight
So today I'll face my fears
And the day after that
Living as best as I can
Taking my life back.