Sunday, April 24, 2011

whore

I'm not in a good state of mind right now. I don't mean that I'm suicidal or anything. I'm just extremely negative right now. I was reading a survey and I guess it triggered me. I remembered some things, things I wish I could forget. Proof that I really am a whore. God, I'm such a whore. A dirty slut. I hate myself. I hate my body. I wish I could destroy it. I need to mutilate it, punish it for being so filthy. I disgust myself. fat whore slut. Dad was right. If I could cut, I would. I need to tell my therapist the truth, the whole truth. I'm scared to tell her everything. I don't want her to think less of me. I can't stand myself. I deserve to die. dirty unclean freak. I hope I rot in hell.

5 words from my listeners:

americaneaglelove said...

Sweetie, don't EVER let yourself believe you are a whore or a slut. Because you aren't, because you are a beautiful, kind person who deserves love and happiness, who doesn't deserve to feel this way about herself. It wasn't your fault, you did nothing wrong. Please, please don't cut. And please tell your therapist everything, she can help you. You DO NOT deserve to die, I care about you, your friends care, your family cares. I hope saying this won't trigger any memories, but the link you gave me on one of my posts was really helpful, maybe you can also use it right now. I'm here for you, if you need anything, if you need someone to listen.

GraceyJ said...

Dont say that. your not a whore and your not a dirty slut. you been doing so good lately so just focus on the positive =]
x

Lissy said...

I would go on and on about how everything you said is bullshit (because it is) but I suspect you won't believe me anyway. But it IS bullshit, its not true, you're super and amazing. And I'd quite like to be a forensic scientist too (since I can't be a nurse and wear short sleeves) so we must stick together!!! Stay safe and try and tell your therapist everything <3 xxx

A said...

I can't find your follow button ):

SilentNightmare said...

Hun you are not a whore and/or a dirty freak and i think telling your T everything is the best way for you to let her help you *hugs*

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