Monday, April 25, 2011


I appreciate your comments but not everything I'm talking about was done to me. There were things done by me that I am too ashamed to say on here, to anyone really. No one knows this about me, well except the people I did it to. Now I'm making it sound like I had sex. I didn't have sex. I don't know why I'm telling you this. You don't want/need to know. I'm sorry I even posted that stuff out there. I just don't want you guys to think I'm some victim. Yes, I was a victim at one point but there were some times when I was putting myself out there, when I was being the acter. Now it sounds like I raped someone. I didn't do that either. I'm really just going to stop talking about this now.

Today was okay. I was up by 7:15. That's early for me. Usually I stay in bed another 20-30 minutes but not today. I had to be ready on time because my dad had a job interview today. We actually ended up leaving late because of him. 0.o
School was good. We did a discussion question in my Intro class on the death penalty and rape cases. I'm personally against the death penalty in any case so of course I didn't agree with putting a rapist to death. I feel that they would suffer more by living in jail for the rest of their lives. I'd want them to get a little taste of how it feels. Don't drop the soap. I would say just kidding, but I'm not. I hope they get what they deserve. What do you guys think? Should a rapist be able to be put to death?
Group was okay I guess. I really don't like this group. There's always different people there and some of them are just so damn annoying. There was one girl who is obese and she walked in with her stomach hanging out. I'm not just talking peeking out. No, there were rolls showing. Not to be rude, but I was very disgusted. I try not to judge, I really do, but that was too much. Other than that, I guess group was fine. We talked about the same page we did last week: myths about emotions. Oh boy. We're on Emotion Regulation in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy for those of you who don't know what that is).
I've spent lots of time on the computer today. I reviewed for my 100 point science exam tomorrow. I am super nervous. I currently have a 89.2%. That's a B+. I'm soooo close to an A. I want an A sooooo bad. I must get an A!
I forced myself to eat dinner. I told myself it was the last one I would be having for awhile. Starting tomorrow, I will be pure. I will not disgrace my body with filth. I'm sure I will eat at some point but only when necessary. I will be clean. I need to be empty, light. Not eating is my punishment for my sins. It is necessary. No excuses. I will be pure.

-I only ate three pieces of candy today when I had out my candy bag.
-School was good.
-I came up with a plan to make amends to myself. (be pure = not eating)
-I woke up on time.

I have decided not to continue with things I like about myself, for now at least. It's too hard and I'm not deserving of compliments. Not yet anyways.

3 words from my listeners:

Glitch said...

That is such a hard question...
but no I dont think they should be put to death - but life in prison. yes. I dont believe the death penalty is normal - I think life in prison is worse, with 23 hour lock down.... Rapists are HATED in prisons - so it would be like a living hell.... and that's what they deserve - a living... full blown... hell..

GOOD LUCK! :D I know you can get that A! <3

I did not wake up on time. lol oopsies! >.<

A said...

I'm all against the death penalty, especially for rapists.. they deserve to live with what they did & not get out the easy way. Plus since I have personal experiences with such acts, I absolutely detest every single rapist out there. They better hold on to that soap tight!

SilentNightmare said...

Against the death penalty esp when our system isn't flawless and many innocent people get put in Prison. Plus every life is valuable and i think putting them to death is allowing them to take the easy way out like you said.

Can't believe i'm telling you this cause no one knows but i think i get what you mean. But sometimes when one is a victim they can become the actor as well because they never learn how to process and deal with the emotions properly and on some level they know its wrong but on another they can't help themselves, i don't know if i'm making sense or not but if you ever need to talk just send me a message through blogger, not on the comments page, and we can talk about this some more if you like. I understand wanting to the pure, i do the same thing with purging *hugs* please take care of yourself hun

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