Tuesday, April 5, 2011

positivity still won

Today has not been the best...BUT it wasn't the worst either. (It's not all black or white.) I woke up late again this morning. I hit the snooze button on my alarms and then turned them off without getting up!! I really needed a shower so I'm just going to take one tonight after my workout. I just can't seem to wake up in the mornings. Funny thing is I fell asleep by 10:30 last night. I was out within a few songs on my i-pod. :)
School started out pretty good. I got a B+(88%) on part 1 of my biology test. I took the second part today and I know I got an A. :) Then came math. I was anxious because we were supposed to get our tests back today. Well, we did and I did not do well. I got 63/100. That's a D-!! Thankfully he gave us 5 extra points because he worded a question weird. So instead of 63/100, I got 68/100 (D+). It is still not good. I can't believe I scored so poorly. It took everything in me not to start crying when I first saw my grade. Then a tear slipped out right before I asked my teacher to go over a few questions with me. Once my teacher walked away and I had put my test in my backpack, the tears started coming faster. I was crying as I was walking down the hallway to get to the parking garage. By the time I got to my grandma's car, I was full out sobbing. My grandma tried to comfort me but the pain of getting such a bad grade was very strong. She started driving while I continued to cry. I felt weak and stupid. I felt like a failure. I thought of thoughts that I would have thought just last week, but they no longer were true. Yes, I was upset because I didn't do well but no, I didn't want to kill myself. Instead I wanted to try harder and do better on my next text (not that I have a choice). So school did not end well but I'm feeling better now. :)
Food started out good. I had a light yogurt (100) and a Special K bar (90). Then I had a mini-binge of Hostess cupcakes (360). Then dinner was full on shit. I had a turkey burger (which by itself was 240 calories!!) on a bun (140) with condiments (20). Then I had a salad with cucumber cubes and lite Italian dressing (100), a small scoop of deviled eggs potato salad (~100), and cooked broccoli (~50). fat fat fat fat fat. I'm sure dinner was about 750. I just added up my guesstimates and it was 650. I'll just say 750 though so I can be sure I counted all the calories. So that's 1300 calories today. Gross. I thought I was going to make this week better food wise but I guess not. I guess there's always tomorrow.
Other than my bad grade and food, my day has been pretty good. I finally caught up on everyone's blogs. Sorry if I didn't comment. I tried to on some though. And thanks for all of your comments. I'm glad you like my positives. I like them too! =P And Nikki, I'm glad you are stealing my idea. It's a wonderful idea to take, if I may say so myself. ;)

Positives:
-I wasn't late to school even though we left waaay late.
-I got a good grade on my biology test.
-I didn't let my bad grade on my math test ruin my day.
-I didn't have any true thoughts of suicide or self-harm.
-It was a beautiful day.
-My urge to purge is going away. :)

I might post again later.

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