goals

Thanks everyone for standing by me in my darkest times. I know I've been a real mess lately and I'm sorry for putting you through all the worry. I know that I'm still going to struggle. I also know that there will be a day some time in the future when I will want to take those pills that I have saved. I know the best thing to do is get rid of them, but right now, I'm not quite ready to take that step. But you have my word that until school lets out for the summer, I will not take them. I promise.
So how was today (besides inspiring)? It was good for the most part. I took a test that I'm feeling pretty good about. I went for a two mile walk/run. I got through a very strong urge without purging. =) These are the positives. I want to focus on them. There were some bad moments, well maybe bad is too extreme a word, more like not good moments, but I got through them the best I could.
I'm still struggling with my friend. We aren't "fighting" anymore but I wouldn't exactly say we are on solid ground either. She texted me several times today and each time I made an excuse (although it was legitimate every time) not to talk to her. She messaged me on facebook a few different times. She still has yet to explain to me what she needs to say. All she's really said is she's glad I'm not going to kill myself, I made her feel horrible and cry herself to sleep at night, and she wasn't encouraging me. Right. Enough of her. I want to
keep this post positive.
I want to set goals for this month. I think goals will help keep me on track and help me to stay focused on the positive in life. I think setting goals will give me something to live for. I need that. So I will break them down into weekly and monthly goals.

This week's goals (4/1/11-4/8/11):
1.Clean the house for my grandparents. (Saturday)
2.Go to the Royals game. (Sunday)
3.Tell my therapist my commitments to living and group. (Monday)
4.Do my presentation in Criminology.
5.Finish Get Me Out Of Here.
6.Make a list of 25 things I want to do before I die.

Monthly Goals  (4/1/11-4/30/11):
1.Blog something positive every day.
2.Exercise 5 times a week.
3.Read chapters as we study them (not the day before the test!).
4.Read three books (outside of school).
5.Stay cut, purge, and suicide attempt free.
6.Start/go to group.
7.Be honest.

I think that's a good start. I'm going to make April a good month.

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life."