Thursday, March 17, 2011

well dang!

Lissy-Don't worry about me. I'm (relatively) fine (for now). I am taking care of myself. I'm still eating..bunches. I think I have gained at least 3 pounds since Saturday. I only cut once and that was on Monday night. I'm feeling safer now. So don't worry.
Only one person commented on my previous post. ='( jk but really, I thought it was worthy of a comment or two. I guess it doesn't really matter because I'm pretty sure you guys already knew most of that about me. I don't know. I had the hardest time coming up with things to say. So I guess it's okay that only one person commented. Oh well.
My food intake started off great. I didn't eat til 1 pm. I had a yogurt and 8 cut up pieces of fruit. Then I got hungry and had a big dinner (burrito with rice). I went for a 1.5 mile run with my mom. That was good. I ran the last half mile by myself. I kinda wanted to do more but I decided I did enough. listen to the lies you tell yourself. fat pig. you'll never be enough. Then my mom went to Sonic and I got a hot fudge sundae. It was huge. It even had whipped cream and a cherry! fat fat fat. Then I came home and finished my mini bag of popcorn. you ate enough today to feed 5 families in Japan. My thoughts are rapid and mean. I'm feeling guilty. Tomorrow I'm going on two runs. I'm running at least 3 miles tomorrow. fucking fat bitch. you know that's not enough. I wish I could turn the voice off. I'm tired of the thoughts.
Did little work on my paper again today. I researched a little bit so I guess that's a step in the right direction. lazy bitch. you're going to fail. you always fail. not good enough. never good enough.
I'm going to bed. I want to escape these thoughts. Good night.

5 words from my listeners:

mags said...

Well congrats on the award! And at 104.8 lbs... trust me, it could be much worse. I'm 5'7" with an ultimate goal of 105. So you're already thin.

GraceyJ said...

hun im sorry i havent been on :(
but im back!
ill go read your last post now!!(:

Mrs. Donae said...

we seen to have similar inner voices...argg! Always clalling us FAT! I wish it would stop to, I'm sorry hun..xo

heiscertainlyworthit said...

Sorry it's been a while..had so much to do :(

When you get caught, and everyone knows about your ED so you have to eat again, the thoughts stay with you. But, they go eventually. So, don't relapse, because you don't deserve to. You're beautiful, and not fat.

Also, everyone probably says this, but you don't need to cut yourself, because you're beautiful, ok?

Thanks for your comment :) I'll be on here more now :D xx

AS said...

Hey sweetheart. I'm sorry I haven't been on much lately. It has been a bad week. I've had you on my thoughts though! Good job on only cutting once. I'll be on more this week so I hope to read more on how you've been doing.
Stay safe and try to take care of yourself hon. xx

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