Sunday, March 6, 2011

new room

For those who haven't read the exciting news of me getting kicked out, I was..almost a week ago. I am finally getting settled into my new room. Today my parents came over to help me move furniture and stuff around. Now I just need to finish unpacking and I am all set. :) I like the way my new room looks too. It's very spacious the way I have it arranged. I have a tv with a VCR/DVD player so I can watch movies. Really, I'm going to be doing exercise whenever I want. I just need to get more workout videos. =P It's going to be sweet.
I think I've gained a zillion pounds. I've been eating candy all weekend and pigging out on chips. Fat ass = me. No lie. Any weight I had lost this month has all been put back on. God, I'm such a fat bitch. All I've done is eat eat eat. Eating = fatness = unhappiness = self-hatred = bad thoughts = bad actions = big mess. I don't like this equation. Starting tomorrow I am doing better. I have already fucked up today, but I'm not going to make it any worse. I don't need to really undo myself. I better not weigh over 108.6 (my starting weight for the month). I'll fucking go crazy if I do.
Sorry for no post yesterday. I was with my mom and little sister all day. Then I spent the night at my older sister's house. I didn't have my laptop and there was no way I was risking blogger on a public computer. It's risky enough on my own computer. So anyways, let me tell you about yesterday.
My mom and lil sis came to pick me up around 11 am. My mom made me change because I wasn't wearing the right colors for the KU game. 0.o It was rather silly but I didn't mind. Then we went and bought running shoes for my little sister. She is doing a 5k for her school's all girl running club. My mom is doing it with her and I wanted to join. So My mom and I got new running shoes too. Then we went to the mall to get my lil sis a costume for her school play (which I am going to be missing because of a school event >.<). We went to Target and bought a pedometer which tells steps, distance, and calories burned. I can't wait to try mine out. We did go for a run/walk up at my sister's school. I can run a quarter of a mile before my breathing starts getting all weird. Altogether we ran/walked 1.12 miles. We probably would have kept going if my little sister didn't have to pee. >.< Then I was feeling light headed and dizzy when we went to the store right after our run. I thought I was going to pass out or puke or something not good. I was okay though. I just laid down when we got home. Then it was time for my mom, older sister, and me to get our massages. I was really anxious about it given my past history. I went in there though and had a really nice time. I felt a little anxious while being massaged but I tried to just stay relaxed. The music really helped. I was kind anxious too about my scars and my fat. I kind of wanted to cry when she was doing my back because of the fat back there. I was so embarrassed. I'm sure she thought I was gross. Then I was freaking out minorly when she was doing my thighs. I hate my thighs. They are so big. Talk about embarrassing. BUT overall I enjoyed it. I've decided I'm going to go back. :) I think it was a good idea to try it. My therapist was very glad to know that I had a good time. I knew she would be worried about me so I texted her. She really cares about me. I can't understand why. I'm such a bitch to her. :( I went back to my sister's house. I ate dinner and played Skip-bo (a card game) with my mom and lil sis. It was fun. I had the hardest time going to sleep. I woke up really hot. Then I woke up really cold. My body is on like major freak out right now. Don't know what the hell is wrong with it. That leads to today which was organizing my new room. So yes. Sorry this was so long.
One last thing..reply to comments.
Glitch- Yes, Runescape (to me) is a lot of fun. I started playing in the 7th grade. I haven't been playing as much recently since I haven't had a lot of time but when I do play, I enjoy it. There are so many things (skills) to work on and there are quests to do. I like it. :)
Shannice (almost called you Shannon 0.o)- Yes, I do have a PT. I'm Amber Anorexia (haha what a joke). I haven't been going on there much lately though. I go through weird phases of sometimes I'm on there like all the time and other times I'm not on there like ever. Occassionally though I do pop on. I'll try to make an appearance every now and then. I get notifications so if you add me or comment me, I'll know.

1 words from my listeners:

Glitch said...

I'm happy you got settled nicely into your new room. Yay for new digs! =D

and sounds like you had a nice time.... :) I like seeings these kind of posts - happy, smiling, posts and I'm glad you're doing okay.

About the food consumed - oh I feel ya! I feel like a mucho fat ass after last night and my little/BIG macho pig out....

=3 speak soon, and you are beautiful.

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