Tuesday, March 15, 2011

selfish bitch

Guess what was on my mind this morning when I woke up...food. Food was on my mind. I woke up hungry. That's a bad way to start the day. I then proceeded to tell myself that I am not eating today. I am too fat to eat. I don't have to eat now that I'm not in Renew. With that decided, I got up and started my day. My weigh-in was not good. I don't know my exact weight but I do know I gained another .2 pounds. That puts me back at at least 105.2 pounds. Grrr. >.< But it's okay because I will lose the weight again. I will lose more weight. I want to be in the 90s when I see my therapist on 3/25. I'm 5 pounds away. I can do it. I wish I had my green tea pills to help with the process. I can lose over a pound the first day I take it. It's such a waste to have bought them and now not be able to take them. I just don't want my mom to know I'm on them so I didn't bring them with me (I'm staying at her house). So today I fast. Tomorrow I might continue. I think it could be fun to see how long I can go. I'll make it a game. Only way I'm eating is if we go out somewhere as a family. That might end up happening tonight. My grandma is having hip surgery (not a hip replacement). It's not major and it's outpatient so she can come home tonight. My aunt is going to be there and so is my mom. I believe I am going to be there too. I don't know if anyone else is coming though. I hope not. The more people who come, the bigger the chance of a big dinner. Wow. What a selfish bitch I am being. Today my grandma is having surgery and all I care about is eating. I'm a horrible person. I deserve this miserable life.

2 words from my listeners:

Nikki said...

no one deserves this miserable life.
i think of food constantly too and im a wayyyyy fatter ass than you.
I was a very selfish bitch yesterday and felt that way the entire time i was away, i know it wasnt totally all my fault but yup
im a bitch
i already knew this tho
she just came out of her shell
good luck for your grandma
your not selfish hugs hugs

Anonymous said...

i've nominated you for the Versatile Bloggers Award, for the rules and shiz check out my post.
have a good weekend darl

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