Sunday, February 13, 2011

the tears did fall

and I feel so weak. This is my mom's birthday. I should feel happy to be spending time with her. This is her special day. I feel I am ruining it. I feel so depressed. I cried so many times tonight. I am weak for crying. How dare I cry on my mom's birthday. I am a selfish bitch making her day all about me. I should fucking die. I cannot wait until I get my refund check. I can't do this. I want to die. I want to die so bad. Please please please let me die. I can't take this anymore. I don't want to feel depressed. I don't want to cry. I don't want to hurt. Please death take me away. Kill me. Please God kill me.

4 words from my listeners:

SilentNightmare said...

Please take care of yourself hun *hugs*

AS said...

Don't be too worried. I'm a short little fat ass. I've got a long way yet to go.

I'm so sorry to hear how hard your mother's birthday was for you. If it makes you feel better, I made my mother break down and sob three times yesterday, and I could offer her no solace and I could do nothing to take away her pain. Worst of all, I LAUGHED. Thats right. I fucking laughed. Because thats what I do instead of cry. I'm a selfish daughter. You're're heartbroken...not selfish.

I wish that you could see how wonderful you are and how much you deserve to be free from all of this agony and torment. I hate this for you. I wish more than anything that I could give you peace and stop the hurting. It breaks my heart.

You're so strong...You go through so much and yet you haven't given up. You're still here. Every time I log in and see that you're still blogging and commenting, it gives me hope that I can get through another day as well. Be safe, love <3

Glitch said...

This makes me sad to read.
Death is not the answer...
it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Remember that...

as for your Moms Bday. :) Why don't you make her a homemade card? With some nice words in it... i am sure that would make her feel so loved.

Waiting for my refund check too..
cant wait.

heiscertainlyworthit said...

Please don't be angry at yourself for crying, it helps to get it out. It certainly doesn't make you weak.
You're not a bad person for being upset on your mum's birthday, it's just difficult at times like these to try and cope with everything.

Much love, and stay strong. x

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