Saturday, February 12, 2011

Phi Theta Kappa

I received two letters today (well picked up really) from my college. The first one said I made the President's Honor Roll for Fall 2010. I had a 4.0 GPA(grade point average). =) The second one was inviting me to join Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society. It's for people enrolled in 12+ credit hours and have an "outstanding GPA". I guess that means I'm one smart cookie. =D School is really the only thing I'm good at. I felt so proud when I read those letters. I actually thought "maybe I should stay alive so I can continue to excel at school". I don't know. School is the only way I'm going to go anywhere in my life. School is really all I have. I will probably fail at a job because I can't handle social interactions. I can't attend college for the rest of my life. I don't know. I'm sure you all will say "live for school!" but I don't want to live for an education. I want to live because I enjoy life, not because I'm good at school. =/ I'm proud of myself but I make myself sad. All I have is school. I want something more but when everything's falling apart, I'm not sure what I have left. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I'm so confused. Yay for ambivalence.

7 words from my listeners:

Anonymous said...

good job, this is quiet an achievement :)

Anonymous said...

speaking only from my own experience,
i'll say that for me it seems the more
pain i go through, depressions, schizophrenic
episodes, death. so much death..
the more i go through, the more i find
beauty in the banalities of life.
the little things, the things most people
pass by without giving a second glance.

anyways, i think you'll find what
you're searching for, just keep looking
/harder/, never let up. letting up, giving
in to the release from giving a shit about
anything; that is where life ceases to
have any meaning. from the things you say,
it seems you are on the right track to
finding meaning in the mundane. just keep
moving forward. you'll get there.

Glitch said...

Good Job!!! That is wonderful!!!! :D You should be proud. Just keep your mind on school - things will fall into place when they are ready too.... they always do. <3

Iris said...

That's a really fantastic achievement!

You could explore careers that would allow you to pursue your favorite subjects past college. Just a suggestion.

SilentNightmare said...

Honestly i felt like you do now when i was in high school except i wasn't even good at school and i was stressed out about college and i'm not that great at social interactions either but some how i found my niche in college and now i'll be leaving with one really good friend and two acquaintances. Point is you never know where life will take you once you get into college, so if nothing else, live till you can find out if things change or stay the same?

AS said...

Wow! That is amazing. You should be really proud of yourself. Congratulations on your academic achievements.

If school is something that makes you feel good about yourself, if it is something that you are natural at, if it is something that you *enjoy*
doing., is at least a pretty good place to start, no? It'll give you something to help you feel accomplished and if you are doing something that you *enjoy* than maybe it will help you enjoy your own life more. If you start with school...there are so many other opportunities of a similar nature that can branch off from there.

If you have anyhting that makes you feel good and that you can enjoy, cling on to it tightly and hang on for dear life! <3

Congrats again on your accomplishments. You ARE one smart cookie :-)

NightFlower said...

Well done, that's amazing. :]
There are lots of things to live for, even when everything seems like there's no point, there are always things you'll be able to do, little beautiful things in life :] I'm not going to say live for an education but live because you can do great things in life. I mean, education's the first step, right? :] I'm sure you'd be brilliant at lots of jobs. If you hold on, you'll meet lots of amazing new people and try out lots of new things.
Just don't forget that there are good things in life and that you're amazing xxx

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