Saturday, February 5, 2011

disappointment

I feel like such a disappointment to you guys. All I ever seem to do is make you worry. I don't mean to. I can see how much you guys care and to be honest, it kills me. I know that people caring is a good thing, but to me it's bad because it means that many more people will be hurt when I kill myself. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for fooling people into having hope for me, for believing in me. All I'll ever do is let you down and I am so sorry for that. I'm sorry that I'll never be enough. I'm sorry that I'll never be what you want me to be. I'm sorry that I feel this way. Most of all, I will be sorry when I take my life. I'm sorry. What more can I say?

7 words from my listeners:

Nikki said...

Your never a disappointment! I know it feels like it will never be good enough but maybe one day it will be. I know I don't know u well but I bet tour an amazing person, don't worry about letting other people down, worry about letting yourself down. Dont be sorry :) shit happens, it's life and it makes ur stronger take care xoxo

lou said...

Don't let that thing that says you must end it all take over baby, don't listen to it.
I know what that's like to get to that point, I've been too close to taking my own life many times, please don't go there.
You're not letting anyone down honey, it feels that way here because you've opened yourself up, but you're the only one who has to feel satisfied in the end.
Please be safe and feel better..

SilentNightmare said...

Can i ask why you're so set on killing yourself, not trying to be mean or condescending just want t know what the end goal is what you're trying to achieve? However know that you're not a disappointment at all *hugs*

GraceyJ said...

oh hun im so so sorry you feel that way. dont be sorry for feeling like that im sure if you could stop the feeling you would, so there nothing to be sorry about, just stay strong for us please(:
x

thinlypure said...

U aren't a disappointment.I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible.But please please please don't kill yourself.U are an amazing person and I think the world needs more people like u do. Keep your hope in a better tomorrow.
Stay strong Sweetheart :)
Xoxooxoxxo

AS said...

You aren't a disappointment. You are amazing, beautiful, caring, compassionate, and so incredibly talented. I just wish that you could see all of these things. I have the same view of myself that you have of yourself, so I know that I sound like a hypocrite, but the world needs you. Every single day that you are alive and that you share your words with us is a blessing. I know how hard it is to fight to live another day and to keep going...but every day that you make it just a little bit longer...you're an inspiration for me to keep going.

NightFlower said...

You're not a dissapointment. You're lovely and you deserve life. Don't worry about us; worry about yourself, and please take care. :[ xxx

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