monster

Today was okay. I did not want to wake up. I never want to wake up but I do every morning. I get up and go about my morning routine preparing for school. I arrived to school with 1 minute to spare. It took almost an hour to get there. Stupid snow and traffic. My grandpa's driving was a little scary too. Anyways, school went well. I was able to pay attention better. I think it also helped because my teacher let us out early. I didn't have to concentrate as long. That was it for school.
Next comes food. What did I eat? How much did I eat? How fat am I going to be tomorrow? I ate pancakes, fruit by the foot, spaghetti with turkey meat sauce, peanuts, corn bread, dipped peanut granola bar. I ate and ate and ate. I am fat and gross and disgusting. I am a monster. I consume food as the food consumes me. I am trapped in this fat shell. I just want out. I want to claw my way out of this mess of a girl. Am I even a girl? No. I am merely a monster. A fat disgusting selfish ugly crazy monster. I hate me. I want to die. I already fucked up three months of no cutting. It's only been two days. I think I'll cut now. Kill the monster a little more.