Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I still can't believe the responses I got from my photo journal this morning. It was very unreal to read all these people saying that they didn't want me dead and hoped I was okay. It was...touching? Maybe? I don't know. It was something alright. I just never really knew how many people cared about me. It's crazy because I've never even met you guys and you all care about me so much. It means a lot. If it means anything to you, I care about you guys too. =) Sorry again for the scare. (However, just because I am saying this now does not mean I am not still plotting my suicide. I still plan on killing myself, just not right now.)
My day was suprisingly okay even with this morning's first post. I was just posting what I made last night. I actually finished my biology homework that I should have finished almost a week ago. I should have done my algebra and reading for my criminal justice classes but hey, at least I got something done. It's a step in the right direction anyways. I just still can't believe how far behind I am getting. I haven't read any of the chapters for any of my classes. Well I've read half of them, if even that. I'm just behind. I'm hoping I don't have school tomorrow but I probably will and it will be COLD! BRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
I played some games on Facebook. I've been cooking in Cafe World every day for almost a month now. It's pretty crazy.
I watched tv with my grandma.
I took lots of pictures of deer outside of my grandma's house in the snow. OH! Did I tell you guys we had a blizzard here in Kansas? Yeah, well we did. There was a lot of bad weather all over the US. It was pretty crazy. ANYWAYS...I was able to capture 7 of 8 deer. There were even two bucks (male deer). It was so cool because that was the first time I had seen bucks around my grandma's house. They aren't very old though so their antlers weren't very big. It was sweet though. =) I'll try to post pictures tomorrow.
I rescheduled my appointment with my therapist. We are meeting on Friday at 3 pm. I almost had an anxiety attack about though because I was afraid I was going to be too fat to go see her. I don't understand. I've lost weight and I freak out even more than I did when I went to see her when I was fatter. 0.o I just don't get it.
Then comes the food. That's right, I said it..the f word. ^-^ hehe jk but really. I did really bad today in my opinion. I ate brunch with my grandparents: scrambled eggs w/ cheese, hashbrowns, and 2 strips of turkey bacon. I probably ate a little less than one egg, not even half the hashbrowns, and the turkey bacon altogether was 70 calories. I also had about 30 calories of lite vanilla soy milk. For breakfast I'm going to say about 200 calories. Shortly after I had a lite yogurt (100). I ate 3 Thin Mints (120). For dinner I had 1 1/2 servings of chicken and dressing casserole (150) and 1 spoon of cheesy broccoli and rice (75). I then had a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (160), 2 Peanut Butter Patties (130), and one Thanks-A-Lot cookie (75). Wow. Looking back at my day, that was A LOT of food. Calorie total = 1010. FAT ASS! Well, at least it was a cool number. *eye roll* On the upside, even with all of that food I only gained 1.2 pounds of food weight. Hopefully tomorrow I will have lost a little more. I guess I should tell you what I weigh now. I weighed in this morning at 109.2 lbs. I am okay with that I suppose. It could be lower. It will be lower.
Okay, well I guess that's all. Thanks for all your support everyone. Love you! <3

2 words from my listeners:

SilentNightmare said...

tc hun *hugs*

Vampire said...

<3 <3 <3 Thank God. You're alive now. And as long as you'll be alive in the next moment, and the next, and the next, forever.. we'll be ok <3 <3 Shit you scared me

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