Monday, December 13, 2010

The naughty list..

If Santa checked his list, I'm pretty sure I'd be on the naughty one. I was sneaky and bad. I did something I shouldn't have done. I bought something. I'm going to steal something. I'm bad bad BAD!! I know I shouldn't have bought the pills. I know I shouldn't steal some more pills. Will that stop me? No. I honestly don't care. Do I plan on using them right away? No. I want more. I want enough to KILL. My grandma always brings it up when I'm with her. She always talks about the last time I OD'ed and how they almost lost me. Well damn it, why didn't you lose me?! I don't want to be alive. I know I shouldn't think like this but I can't help the way I feel. I don't want you guys to try to talk me out of this. I know some of you might but I just don't think it'll help. No use fighting a lost cause. I'll still be around for awhile and maybe in that time I'll see the light. Ha, doubt that but I might just see it. You never know.
Some good mom is finally on her way down for good!

3 words from my listeners:

Iris said...

Please don't, dearie. I know you said not to try, but I can't help it.

Try something new, anything. If your brain is too busy processing new information, you're depressed less. Or at least you don't notice it as much.

Little things first, but ultimately the goal is to change as much about your life as you can. It's by no means easy, but if your life is unbearable, then change is worth a try.

I know depression makes you not want to do anything, to isolate yourself and avoid a lot of situations. So it will be very difficult, but so worth it.

Thin_Envy said...

what kind of pills you stealing? make sure not to be stupid with them although you should def not try to kill yourself and should seek help there are many worse things like trying and ending up living with complete brain damage, liver failure, and im sure who ever you stole the pills from probably wants them for themselves haha. unfotuantely this too shall pass and youll have a great day to remind you why your here followed by more days that are shitty.
therapy may not fix the problem but it wont hurt girl stay strong

*Broken* said...

From experience, pills don´t kill you, they almoust killed me but well...that didn´t worked out too well. I know wwhat you mean, I didn´t want to be saved thanks a lot!
Please think this really hard, you could end up with a lot of problems like my friend did and that´s worst than being alive...
I hope i could talked you out of this but I know I can´t, I´m sorry.

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