Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry fuckin' Christmas (Eve)!

Today had been such a good day. So tell me, what the FUCK happened? My little sister I ruined it. How did I do that? By fighting with my little sister. It all started out okay. My brother-in-law was playing his video game, I was doing my puzzle, and my lil sis was playing on the Wii. She comes upstairs to play on my mom's computer. Still all is okay. My brother is getting pissed because he keeps getting killed. I try to talk to him because I'm interested in his game. We talk as he continues playing. My little sister keeps butting in. She keeps making smart ass comments. Then she sees that I'm wearing her slippers. She comes over and pins me down on the couch. I can't get up because there is a glass table in front of me. She's fighting with me trying to get the slippers. I keep telling her if she gets up I'll take them off. By this time, my older sister was on the phone with my brother. She could hear my lil sis and me fighting. Finally, she gets up and goes back to the computer. The older sis wants to talk to the lil sis but lil sis hangs up the phone. Then we are in a verbal fight. My brother leaves in the middle of this. When my older sister getes home, my lil sis and I got in trouble. Lil sis started screaming and hitting our older sister. Then my parents get home. The problem escalates even more. Words get said. "I hate her. I don't want her living here. I wish you would have put me up for an adoption like you did Ali, at least then I'd be happy!" The words keep pouring out of my little sister's mouth. All I can think is "It won't be too much longer. I'll be dead before you know it." FUCK! I want to D.I.E.!!! I started claing at my arm because I wanted to cut. It's a really good thing my therapist had me throw away those blades or it would have gotten ugly. Now I just have to focus on not taking the Xanax. I don't think I have a high enough dose for me to get high but wouldn't it be nice? I want out of this. I don't want to be here anymore. Kill me please, before I kill myself. I'm sorry. Merry Christmas.

3 words from my listeners:

Kari said...

Gosh that really is a crap thing that happened. I'm so sorry love. Please be okay. We love you.

SM said...

*hugs*

i hope things got better??
and that today is a great day.
here if you ever need anybody to chat to:)

xxx

Tiffany Tilly said...

I'm sorry you had such a bad day, your sister was acting like a total brat and it didn't look like any of it was your fault. I hope you're doing better and had a great christmas.

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