Monday, December 13, 2010

The bitch is back.

I know that everyone that leaves me comments means well, but honestly, they just piss me off. I am very well aware of the consequences of overdosing. I know that I could end up with brain damage or organ failure. Now it's my turn to ask if you are aware of the consequences of an eating disorder? Sure there may not be brain damage but you can still be a vegetable rotting away in a bed. You won't be able to do anything because you are so weak. I read all these stories of organ failures and EDs. So it's just like please don't try to pull the whole "it can lead to worse things" shit.
I'm not stupid. I know that is not what people are calling me but it's the whole depressed side of me thinking that everyone is against me. I know I sound like a bitch but that is what I am..a bitch, a monster. I feel like people are trying to change me. I don't want to be changed. I don't want to try new things. I don't want to live. I mean seriously? Do you call what I'm doing living? So recover you say. Do something to make your life better. Well then what the hell have I been trying to do for the past 6 years of my life?! I am in therapy. I see my therapist once a week, every week of the year. I take my medication as prescribed. I don't sit around the house moping. I still go to college. I still make good grades. Good grades will take me places. So don't tell me I'm not doing anything to improve my life. I go out even though I feel fat and ugly and depressed. I don't let my disorders affect my outside life. It just affects the inside. I don't know why I'm even telling you guys this. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. Maybe I'm just trying to prove it to myself. I don't know. I just wish I hadn't opened my big mouth. Just ignore me. Ignore this. Whatever.

2 words from my listeners:

Anonymous said...

You know I love you.
Message me anytime.
Anytime. x.

*Broken* said...

I´m sorry, I was just worried and I didn´t mean to get you upset...

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