a poem

This pain is lasting
My heart is breaking
Even further I'm relapsing
My life I am staking
One thought keeps repeating
"I wish I was dead"
I know it's self-defeating
But sometimes I agree with that thought in my head
This pain is too much
So I eat too little
Ana's my crutch
For when my dad belittles
He doesn't love me
He doesn't care
All he does is hurt me
Especially now that he's not there
But thinking back
I realize he never was
With every slap
And every cruel word he cussed
I'll never be worthy
I'll never be enough
Always hurting
Man this is tough
It kills me inside
Knowing he's gone
So many tears I have cried
I hope this pain doesn't last long
I wish you loved me
Because secretly I love you
But you don't know how to deal with me
What is there for you to do?
Your daughter is killing herself
Now for your affection
Debating if she wants the help
But can't stand her reflection
So conflicted, confused
Isolated yet not alone
Don't know what to choose
Wishing you'd just come home
But for now you're not
Therein lies the problem
Between a rock and a hard place I'm caught
I hate this place I'm in
Help me.