Friday, June 10, 2011

hello

I didn't eat the best today. I took 3 green tea pills. I'm bloated as fuck. Grrrr. ED wise, today was a bad day.
I freaked out over eating a salad. Well, first I freaked out because dinner plans were changed. I was no longer having turkey chili. I didn't know what restaurant we were going to. I managed to get through it okay. I did feel extremely guilty though over eating the salad. Fucking pathetic but in my defense, there was a lot of stuff on it.
I hung out on anabites for six and a half hours. I have no life. XD
Don't know what else to say.
Staying with my mom this weekend. :)
Might go swimming. 0.o
Nervous.
Too fat.
Same for another massage.
TOO FAT!
I gained 1.4 pounds from my binge last night.
I'm hoping to lose them soon.
I want to reach a new low weight.
I want to reach 100 98.
Must lose.
Can't lose.
Recovering.
Am I?
Fuck I'm confused.
I haven't done a good job of recovering.
Skipping meals.
Binging.
Grrrr.
Just a fat failure.
Soon to be even fatter. -.-
Okay, enough of my shit.
Good night.

3 words from my listeners:

Nikki said...

im still here for you if you ever need anything. i wish i could do or say something to make this all go away for you... but hang in there.

and just remember... recovery, like anything else isn't a straight line. there are bumps and curves and points... but in the end youll only be stronger for making it through all that.

i kno you have a lot of conflicting thoughts right now and its hard but i have faith in you <3 <3

LilyZara said...

i can imagine the 1.4lbs gained is all, if not mainly, waterweight.

you're not too fat at all, you sound very very skinny. please, take care lovely, xxx

scared blogger said...

:'(

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