Saturday, June 25, 2011


Food today was okay. Should have been less. Ate too much at dinner.
Frosted Flakes w/ 2% milk ~200 cals
Chips and salsa ~ 200 cals
Chili's Southwestern Eggrolls (2/3 serving) - 540 cals
water - 0 cals
32 oz sweet tea ~ 190 cals
10 oz Sprite ~ 120 cals
Grand Total: 1250 calories.
Grrrr fat bitch. Shouldn't have eaten so much at dinner. FUCKING FAT PIG!!
I'm doing the whole recovery thing (2 meals a day) yet I'm still losing/trying to lose. Fail much?
In one week I will be done with Driver's Ed. I can restrict all I want. I can lose all I want. Free for a month and a half. No school. No nothing. I don't care about the hospital. I'm not sick anyways. I'm clearly a wannarexic.
I don't have an eating disorder. I'm much too fat for that. I eat too much for that. I don't freak out over eating meals. I just shove food into my mouth because I'm clearly normal. So sometimes (all the time) I feel like purging after I eat. It's no big deal. It would be a big deal if I purged..but I don't so clearly I'm fine. Just another wanna. EDNOS? HA! That's not a diagnosis. Not for me anyways. It's anorexia or nothing. Of course I believe in bulimia too but I don't binge enough or do purging type behaviors enough to have that. So really it's anorexic or fat failure.
Wow, I'm positive tonight. *sarcasm*
Good night.

4 words from my listeners:

Nikki said...

you are not a failure at all!

stay safe please <3 <3 <-- maybe this will make you smile?? at least a little bit?

love you!

Kari said...

Definitely definitely not a failure. It's hard to commit to being positive with one thing or another when there's so much stuff going on in our heads, not to mention all the pressure from the outside.

You're never a failure though. Ever.

Princess Perfection said...

Aw, you are not a failure, love.
We all have slip ups and negative feelings.
They are just a part of life.
The good thing is that eventually, they will go away.
I sincerely hope things turn around for you.
Hang in there. <3

SilentNightmare said...

Wow where to begin. EDNOS is a diagnosis and sometimes it can be worse than being ANA because we fail to recognize or even acknowledge that we have an ED and we can take it to the extreme in our quest to be anorexic and taken seriously. But YOU DO have an ED, YOU ARE SICK, and you shouldn't feel like you have to be anorexic or bulimic to have an ED. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. Always here if you ever need to talk.


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