Thursday, June 9, 2011

recovery = fail

You cannot binge and be in recovery. I am a fat bitch with no self-control. Why did I think I could do this? I'm weak. I'm not strong enough to recover. When I step on that scale tomorrow, all I'm going to think is "how can I lose this weight?". How fucking pathetic. When your life is controlled by food and weight, you know you have a problem. But I don't have a problem. I can't have a problem. I'm not sick. I never was. I never will be. Sick is less than 100. Sick is purging. Sick is never eating again. I'm not less than 100. I'm not purging (though I wish I was). I'm sure as hell eating. I don't know why I thought I could do this. I was stupid. I just proved (once again) that I'll never be enough. I'm not enough to be sick. I'm not enough to recover. I'm in fucking limbo. Not enough. Never enough. enough enough ENOUGH! Fuck this. I don't know what I want.

3 words from my listeners:

Elle Marie said...

Hey I know how you're feeling right now :( Stay strong <3

scared blogger said...

U are not a failure in any way and dont let yourself think that you need to be any "specific" in order to be worthy of help or fit a title, none of that means anything, all that matters is that you say what you feel and work towards feeling better from it,

Love you,
Take care <3

americaneagle said...

You are definitely NOT failure. You ARE strong enough to recover, I know you have the strength in you to go through with this. I really hope that you're okay, we're all here for you if you need us. Keep your head up, you have my full support. Good luck, stay beautiful.

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