Losing

Losing hope, losing faith but not losing weight. I feel horrible. These past few days have been really rough. I've been getting really depressed and suicidal. Sometimes the feelings and thoughts of wanting to die take over and it takes everything in me to not do something stupid. I've been cutting. (I threw away my blades though so that should help.) I've been trying everything in my power to be okay. It's just not enough anymore. I'm not enough. I just want all this to be over. I fight and I fight but for what? Can someone please tell me what I'm fighting for? I sure as hell don't see a reason. I am mentally ill in more than one way and I can't stand it. I'm sick of fighting a losing battle. I'm sick of falling and falling even deeper into depression. I'm tired of relapsing into everything that I do. I just want it to stop. I don't even know what to say anymore. Sorry I'm so negative.