Pictures Don't Lie

So in the course of three days I gained 6 pounds. I lost roughly 1-2 today. I feel like a total fat ass. I am just so frustrated right now. I was talking to my psychiatrist today and was telling him I don't feel like I have an eating disorder because I'm not underweight. I'm still fat. I try to express how I feel to my grandma but she just keeps forcing lies down my throat telling me I'm skinny and other girls would die to look like me. Is she fucking blind?! What the hell is she seeing that I don't? A past therapist diagnosed me with body dysmorphic disorder. Is that really what I have? It can't be because I see the same thing in the mirror that I see in the pictures I take of myself. Pictures don't lie..do they? I don't know. Even if they did, I don't care. I just want to be pretty. I just want to be skinny. UGH!! I hate weight! I hate my body! I hate everything about me! What's wrong with me?