Saturday, July 30, 2011

funny when you're dead how people start listening

it's i'm crazy.
these fucking thoughts in my head.
torturing me so sweetly.
haunting me.
no escape.
perfectly good day ruined by searches for self-destruct weapons.
nothing's wrong and everything's right.
who am i kidding?
nothing's right and everything's wrong.
these suicidal fantasies are becoming more and more tempting.
almost took them the other night.
being awake this late tonight prevents me from taking them tonight.
wouldn't take them anyways.
i'm too scared.
too chicken.
cried myself to sleep the other night because i "want to live"
so explain to me
why i woke up the next morning mad that i was alive.
fuck fuck fuck.
makes no sense.
people tell me i must want to live.
i'm tired of living.
this isn't living.
this is existing.
surviving without will power.
simply here.
alive outside but inside so dead.
i want to be dead.
kill me.
i'll love you forever.

5 words from my listeners:

Nikki said...

I love you. Don't give in the suicidal thoughts hun. There is a reason you're alive... and once you figure out exactly what that reason is, you'll be glad you kept fighting. Deep down, I know you want to live, you do.

Think of the positives each day.


Lissy. said...

No. No No No. I don't want you to. So no you're not allowed. Love you.

kes said...

I'm with Lissy. and Nicki. We love you. I don't want you dead and there is a reason you are still here. Find your reason. You don't want to die, you want things to get better. So figure out how to make them better. Figure out what you want and how to get it. You are NOT allowed to kill yourself. You are NOT! So just don't.

Run said...

Nope. You have to stay alive. You might feel like you want to die, but somewhere deep down you know you don't. There is always a reason. Like the others said, find your reason.

Elle Marie said...

stay strong

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