Friday, September 16, 2011

I missed blogging

Thanks for all your support on my last post. <3

My therapist surprisingly did not ask for my weight on Wednesday. I did tell her I was below 100. Doubt she believed me though considering I still look like a whale. I was also kinda drugged that day too. I had taken a Klonopin and it knocked me on my ass. After my therapy session, I saw my psychiatrist. He put me back on Cymbalta, left my Lamictal at the dose they did at the hospital, and took me completely off my Abilify. Fun stuff. We went way over in time. Like 30 minutes almost. Oh well. We had a lot to talk about.

Umm, I dropped two of classes for this semester. Well technically I only dropped one myself. My teacher dropped me from the other one. It sucks because the class my teacher dropped me from was ASL, the class I was most looking forward to taking. :( Oh well. Maybe I can take it next semester. So now I'm left with the two classes that are actually required: Public Speaking and Compostition 2. Funnnn stuff. NOT. >.< My mom thinks I might need to change my major (forensic science). Unfortunately, I think she may have a point. I've had 3 suicide attempts this year (2 being major and while in school). Can I really handle it? I want to do it so bad but can I ever stable myself out enough to do it? I'm not sure.

I miss Misty. She's one of the staff from the hospital I was just in. It sucks that I will never see her or talk to her again. That's one thing I hate about hospitals. You form bonds with people (staff and patients) and you can't (well, you aren't supposed to) keep in contact with them. I want to stay in touch with Misty like I have with past staff. She really cared about me.

Can't wait to weigh in this morning but it's only 5 am. (I try to not weigh before 8 am if I've been up at ungodly hours in the morning.) Hopefully I'll hit a new low weight (again). On Wednesday, I was 98.8 pounds. I think I gained a little for Thursday but hopefully I'll have lost it again. People tell me I need to gain weight. My mom keeps telling me I'm going to be hospitalized if I don't stop. I pretty much laugh and say "it's not that bad", which it isn't. I am perfectly fine. (lies) I was talking to a girl on (a ED recovery site..haha) and she says she thinks I would go residential. It's like NOOOOO! It's really not that bad. Now if I weighed my UGW (85 pounds), then maybe I could see that. But I'm just barely under 100. It's not that bad. (<--Who am I trying to convince??) Oh well. I'm just going to keep losing. I need to take progress pics but unfortunately, I do not have a mirror in my bathroom at the moment due to painting. Oh I guess I should mention we are painting our house.

Well this has been kind of long. I haven't done a post like this in forever. Thanks for reading it.

2 words from my listeners:

scared blogger said...

I dont like this :'( :'(

heiscertainlyworthit said...

I'm glad that you're back on here!!

Please don't lose anymore weight though, I think 100 is good enough, and if you'll go into residential then that would be shit.


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